Midnight - Edward's New Moon
by lily1996x
Summary: Edward's New Moon. Told by Edward and Carlise. 'The hole in my chest ripped wider as the convosation in the woods behind her house replayed in my head before I could stop it. I wraped my arms around my torso trying to hold myself togther, my knees pulled up to my chest. An agonised groan escaped me before I could stop it.' Please Review (sorry i am no good at summerys)
1. Preface

**Preface**

I stood in the shade of the ally, staring, unseeing, at the crowded square. soon my months of agony would be over, and, if Carlisle's theory was correct, I would finally be re-united with my Bella.

I was unsure as to why I had settled on this particular idea. Maybe due to its beautiful, simplicity, maybe it simple spectral or maybe because of the strange significance it held to me. I had always, for a century, thought my skin would be repulsive to anyone when seen in the sunlight but Bella had a different opinion al together. She said that I was beautiful in the sun. I closed my eyes and smiled at the memory of the first time she saw me in true sunlight.

I didn't stop with that memory. I stood there and let the memories flow. The first time I saw Bella, talked to her, the first time I saved her life. the first night I went to her house, watched her sleep. When I took her out to dinner. Our meadow. Our first kiss! The first time she said that she loved me, the first time I told her. the memories came in a blur now. Rushing past my closed eyes. Every word spoken, every breath, every heart beat, every look. Every touch, embrace, kiss. Finally settling on her face. her chocolate eyes, her chestnut hair, her loft lips. The curve of her cheek. Her blush. Her smell. Her beauty, radiating from every inch of her glorious face. I could almost smell her as if she was with me, almost hear her heartbeat, stuttering when I 'dazzled' her.

The bell tolled over head and I tore off my shirt, white tatters littering the ground.

It rang out again and I took a deep breath.

It rang, I lifted my leg to take my last step.

Bella's face dancing in front of my closed eyes.

"I love you, Bella" I whispered to her as I took the step...


	2. Decision

**Chapte One**

**Decision**

(Edward)

Every thing seemed to be happening in slow motion. A single drop of blood swelled on the Bella's finger and driped to the floor, with an omnious slapt. Jasper's head snapped up as the smell filled the room. I saw the plan in his mind half a second before he acted. I didn't have time to think. I threw myself in front of Bella, between her and Jasper.

His body collided with mine I threw him across the room at the same time I flung Bella backwards out of the way. I was to busy to make sure she was okay; Jasper was chatging at me again. Emmett managed to get his arms around him. I was vaugly aware that Carlisle was talking.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside" he said calmly.

"come on, Jasper" Emmett said seriusly. With the help of a very relectent, and strangly smug, Rosalie, they got him outside. Away from Bella. That's when the smell hit me. Bella was bleeding. Not just the little cut on her finger.

I spun around, slipping into a defensive crouch in front of her. a growl slipping though my clenched teeth. Esme followed them out. Blood was pumping out from a large cut on her right forarm.

"Let me by, Edward" Carlisle murmured quietly. _I am not going to hurt her Edward_ he thought. I nooded slowly and relaxed my position. He knelt next to Bella, examining her arms. A strange spasam of jellousy twist in my gut. How easly he could resist her blood!

"Here, Carlisle" Alice said, trying to hand him a towel. I saw him shake his head.

"Too much glass in the wound." He riped a length of table cloth and wraped it around Bella's arm to from a tourniquet. Bella's eyes wher unfocused, a reaction to the blood. I felt sick. I had hurt her. It was my fault. I bearly heard Carlisle ask her where she wanted to be treated.

"Here, please" she whispered. Alice slipped of to get his bag _stop beating yourself up, Edward._ She thought to me as she went. I resisted the urge to growl at her as she passed.

"Let's take her to the kitchen table" Carlisle said to me. I nooded slightly and gentaly lifted Bella into my arms. "How are you doing, Bella?" he asked her as we walked.

"I'm fine" she answered. I didn't dare breath. I set her down at the table. Still standing protectivly over her. "Just go, Edward" she sighed looking at me

"I can handle it" I insisted, trying to convince myself more than I was her.

"you don't need to be a hero. Carlisle can fix me up without your help. Get some fresh air" she said. Under other circumstances I may have snorted at the term 'hero' remembering her original theories on me

_"Then can I have one in return?" I asked hopefully._

_"One," she allowed._

_"Tell me one theory."_

_She flushed. "Not that one."_

_"You didn't qualify, you just promised one answer," I argued._

_"And you've broken promises yourself," she argued back._

_She had me there._

_"Just one theory - I won't laugh."_

_"Yes, you will." She seemed very sure of that, though I couldn't imagine anything that would be funny about it. _

_I gave persuasion another try. I stared deep into her eyes - an easy thing to do, with eyes so deep - and whispered, "Please?" She blinked, and her face went blank. Well, that wasn't exactly the reaction I'd been going for._

_"Er, what?" she asked. She looked dizzy. What was wrong with her? But I wasn't giving up yet._

_"Please tell me just one little theory," I pleaded in my soft, non-scary voice, holding her eyes in mine. To my surprise and satisfaction, it finally worked._

_"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?" Comic books? No wonder she thought I would laugh._

_"That's not very creative," I chided her, trying to hide my fresh relief._

_"I'm sorry, that's all I've got," she said, offended. This relieved me even more. I was able to tease her again._

_"You're not even close."_

_"No spiders?"_

_"Nope."_

_"And no radioactivity?"_

_"None."_

_"Dang," she sighed._

_"Kryptonite doesn't bother me either," I said quickly - before she could ask about bites - and then I had to laugh, because she thought I was a superhero._

_"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?" I pressed my lips together. "I'll figure it out eventually," she promised. And when she did, she would run._

_"I wish you wouldn't try," I said, all teasing gone._

_"Because...?"_

_I owed her honesty. Still, I tried to smile, to make my words sound less threatening. "What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?"_

_Her eyes widened by a fraction and her lips fell slightly apart. "Oh," she said. And then, after another second, "I see." She'd finally heard me._

_"Do you?" I asked, working to conceal my agony._

_"You're dangerous?" she guessed. Her breathing hiked, and her heart raced. I couldn't answer her. Was this my last moment with her? Would she run now? Could I be allowed to tell her that I loved her before she left? Or would that frighten her more?_

_"But not bad," she whispered, shaking her head, no fear in her clear eyes. "No, I don't believe that you're bad."_

_"You're wrong," I breathed._

I had proven that today. I was no hero, I had hurt her. I truly was a monster. Just then Bella winced as Carlilse did something to her arm; I wasn't paying it much attenten.

"I'll stay," i said instantly  
"Why are you so masochistic?" she mummbled. Carlisle decided to intercede.

"Edward, you may as well go find Jasper before he gets too far. I'm sure he's upset with himself, and I doubt he'll listen to anyone but you right now." _There is absolutly no need to make yourself suffer this much _  
"Yes," Bella eagerly agreed. "Go find Jasper."  
"You might as well do something useful," Alice added.  
My eyes narrowed as they ganged up on on. They had a point. I could hear Jasper's thought as he ran away. Plus, I was out of air. Finally, i nodded once to them and sprinted smoothly through the kitchen's back door. I hadn't taken a single breath since Bella had sliced her finger.

I lept over the river, coming to stand by my family.

_Are you okay, Edward? Is Bella? _Esme thought towards me as soon as I came to a halt next to them.

"Bella's fine, no lasting damage. Carlilse is fixing her arm" I said quietly avioding her question about my own state. "where's Jasper?" I asked, cutting her off before she could ask me about myself again.

"after we got him outside he bolted" Emmett said. I nooded as Alice appeared by my side.

"what way?" she asked. Emmett pointed in the direction Jasper had gone and I took off after him, Alice hot on my heals, less then a step behind me. _im sorry, Edward. I didn't see that, that would happen._ I nooded to show that I acknowleged her and didn't blame her. this was my fault, no one elses.

We found Jasper about 4 miles south of the house, in a small clearing.

"Edward I am so sor-" Jasper started. I held up my hand to silence him. _sorry _he finished mentally

"it's okay Jasper. It wasn't your fault. It could have happened to any of us." I resured him. he snorted. _Really? Seems it only ever happens to me _he thought sarcastly. I ignored him and looked around the clearing properly for the first time. It wasn't a clearing at all. About 40 pin trees had been snaped in half and uprooted. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"it was either the trees or Emmett" he explained.

_Bella will be all fixed up in about five, Edward._ Alice thought to me.

"lets go" I muttered spinning aroound and sprinting back towards the house.

I arrived just in time to hear the last of Bella and Carlisle and Bella's convosation. I waited in the shaddow of the kitchen catching the last line

"I wasn't sorry, though. I've never been sorry that I saved Edward." Carlisle said. What on earth where they talking about? "I suppose I should take you home now." He added after a few seconds.  
"I'll do that," I said coming through the shadowy dining room, walking slowly for  
me. I kept my face smooth, unreadable, trying to hide what I was feeling from her. I wasn't quiet ready to say goodbye. Even after everything that had happened tonight.  
"Carlisle can take me," she said. She looked down at her shirt; the light blue cotton was soaked and spotted with her blood, her right shoulder was covered in thick pink frosting.  
"I'm fine." I lied, my voice was unemotional. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give  
Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." i strode out the  
kitchen door again.

"He's very upset." I heard Bella say quietly to Carlisle. What an understament.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed. "Tonight is exactly the kind of thing that he fears the most. You  
being put in danger, because of what we are."  
"It's not his fault."  
"It's not yours, either."

I met Alice outside. _Don't worry, Edward. Ill find her something. _Alice thought, already having seen what I would ask her. I nooded in thanks and we walked back into the house together. She hurried to Bella's side, but I hung back slightly. Not trusting myself.

"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear.". they headed upstairs togther.

_Edward, son, please stop beating yourself up. There was nothing that you could have done to prevent tonights events. You stoped them being a lot worse. _Carlisle thought axsiously at me. he was worried by the look on my face, my obvious pain. I ignored him and went to wait for Bella by the front door, when she reached me I held it open without a word…

I had watched Bella sleeping almost every night for the past six months. Conflict raging inside me many times, but this was different. Every time I looked at my beautiful Bella I saw the look on her face as Jasper flew towards her, her eyes as I threw her backwards. I groaned quitly to myself.

I was constantly putting her in danger. It was impossible to forget the selfish monster that I am. How could I so easly risk her life? What kind of demon was i?! And to actually contemplate giving her what she so often asked? To take her soul? No. there had to be another way. I couldn't keep risking her life but I wouldn't doom her to this half life either. But what other option was there.

Bella sighed in her sleep, her lips parting

"Edward" she sighed happily.

I left early, as soon as Bella had woken up and sprinted back to my house. I ignored everyone as I stalked up to my bedroom to think. I flicked on my CD player, Clair Du Lune filling my room, and finally started to think through the debate in my head.

From the moment that I had fallen in love with her I realized I had only three options. The first option to leave and never see her, to give her the human life she deserved. The second was to change her. Give her imortality so that I would never have to live without her. Or the third option, my current path, be with her, but keep her human. What if I left now? Forced her into the first option? Agony ripped through me at the very idea, but I ignored it. This wasn't about me; it was about Bella, my Bella. She deserved so much more then me.

if I left then, and made it as if I had never existed then she would move on. She was human after all. It may take time but her memorys will fade and she will move one. One day she would even say yes to someone else. I battled with myself, trying to force myself to leave. I knew it was the right thing to do. At last I knew what the right thing was. I pulled her closer to me and felt myself shudder at the thought of what the coming days would bring. I needed to talk to my family. Ask them to leave with me. Not for me but for Bella. For her humanity.

"NO!" Alice roared downstairs as I made my decision. I smiled in grim satisfaction.

* * *

(Carlisle)

"do you want me to call it, Dr. Cullen?" Dr. Jackson asked me quietly. I shock my head.

"time of death, one, twenty three am" I said quietly checking my watch. Even after two hundred years of being in the medical prefesion this was still the part of the job I hated. I nooded towards the three students in the room to finish up as I went to wash up.

"there was nothing that you could do, Carlisle" Dr. Jackson said, following me to the sinks.

"thank you claire" I said quietly, knowing that there was more. I sighed and dryed my hands

"do you want me to tell the family?" she asked. I nooded

"if you wouldn't mind" I quietly slipped out of the opperating room, pulling on my white coat as I went.

I walked straight to my little office leaning my head against the closed door. We had been in Ithaca almost three weeks now and I still couldn't shake the feeling that we should never have come. My mind wandered to our new house, a little 18th centery cottage. Much smaller then our house in Forks, which only made the whole thing worse. There was no escaping Edwards missery. His pain was unbarebel for us all, more so for Jasper. Edward had hardly spoken to any of us since we had made the move on his request, and his silence was starting to terrify me. I sighed knowing I could not resist any longer. I grabed my phone and quickly dialed, only having to wait a few seconds before the phone was awnsered.

"Carlisle?" esme asked softly. I almost smiled at my wifes voice.

"Hello love" I paused unsure as to what to say. "How is he?" I asked quietly. She paused and I heard her draw a shakey breath.

"Worse" she eventaly awnsered.

* * *

**A/N = Okay so I know that I said this would be a one shot but I have been thinking a lot about Edward lately, especially while re-reading New Moon. So I am going to attempt to write Edwards New Moon, or Midnight. I don't know how much I will do but I hope you will keep reviewing it and keep me motivated. It will all be from either Edward or Carlisle's point of view. So I hope you like.**

**A/N = Hey so i am editing all the chapters so far in Midnight as i think i can do better. Let me know what you think, please review :D**


	3. Agony

**Chapter Two**

**Agony**

(Edward)

_Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hands aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me._

I stared out my bedroom window, not actually seeing anything. My vision was obscured by a pair of beautiful, deep, chocolate-brown eyes. This was not the first time that said eyes had obscured my view of the world. Far from it. They stared back at me, looking exactly like they had the last time I saw them. The last time I would ever see them. They where full of confusion and pain, the words that had caused it played over and over in my mind constantly_"I don't want you anymore". _It had taken all my strength not to take back the words in that instant. Not to beg for her forgiveness as soon as I had uttered them. For her, I could not bring myself to think her name, to believe me so easily was excruciating. I thought it was going to kill me leaving her standing there, thinking that I no longer loved her, that I no longer wanted her. As if that was even remotely possible. The way she sees herself if completely ludicrous. Completely absurd. How can she not see that even if I live to be a thousand, I could never not want her. I could never not love her. Had I not told her hundreds of times of my love for her? That she was the center of my universe. How could she believe me when I lied? Had she ever believed that I loved her? No. I couldn't think of that. If I did I would no longer be able to hold onto the little sanity that I still possessed.

My heart hasn't beat in almost a hundred years but now, it was different. it felt as if it was gone. Like someone had ripped open my chest and stolen it, leaving a massive, ragged hole in its place, which would surely never heal. It pulsed painfully all day, everyday. As it would until the day I finally managed to end my life. The day when Bella's human life came to its inevitable end.

The hole in my chest ripped wider as the conversation in the woods behind her house replayed in my head before I could stop it. I wrapped my arms around my torso trying to hold myself together, my knees pulled up to my chest. An agonised groan escaped me before I could stop it.

"Edward?" Esmé said appearing at my door in an instant. _Oh my _she thought as she took in my position. Sitting in the corner, back pressed against the wall, curled up in a ball. she took a hesitant step towards me, unsure as to what to do. _Tell me how to help! Please! What can I do to take away the pain? _She thought desperately. I just closed my eyes and slowly shock my head. There was nothing that could ease this pain. I deserved this pain. My mother looked at me for a minuet before hanging her head in defeat in slowly leaving the room. She had no idea what she could possibly do to help me, and it was eating her up inside. Not being able to take away her sons pain.

She had barely left me alone since we had arrived in Ithaca. Neither had Carlisle. He only left when he had to go to work. Even when I did manage to be alone, some member of my family, normally my parents, seemed to find excuses to come and check on me. Esmé walked past my door at steady half hour intervals. Just to glance in and make sure I was still here. As if she was afraid that is she left me alone for to long I would fall apart.

In the three weeks since we had left Forks I had hardly spoken to anyone. In the last week I hadn't spoken at all. With each passing hour I became more removed than ever from my family. More isolated. With each hour the pain got more intense, something I had thought was impossible. I couldn't be near any of them. Jasper had long since given up trying to ease my pain, as had the rest of my family. None of them knew what to do. What could help me. Well, apart from going back to Forks. But I wouldn't do that. No. I had promised her, a clean break. _It will be as if I never existed. _It was the only thing I could do to make up for all the times I had put her in danger, that I had nearly gotten her killed.

I whimpered like a dog being trodden on at the last thought. I couldn't help it. I seemed to have no control over myself these days. Esmé froze downstairs as she heard it, _he is in so much pain, there has to be an alternative to this. And easier way. What kind of mother am I to allow my child to be so miserable! _I tuned her out. I couldn't take it. I knew she would blame herself for my pain. But it wasn't. It was no ones fault but my own, and I deserved it.

I was a soulless monster, I deserved pain.


	4. Father and Son

**Chapter Three**

**Father and Son**

(Carlisle)

I quickly walked over to the front desk, trying to think of an excuse as to why I was leaving.

"Nurse?" I said quietly as I reached the desk, drawing attention to my presence. All three nurses at the station turned around at the sound of my voice, all of their heart rates increasing.

"Yes Dr. Cullen?" the first, Nurse Wilkinson asked, making a big show of fluttering her eye lashes at me. I had to stop myself rolling my eyes. Why must any human that feels comfortable around us insist on flirting!

"I'm heading home, family emergency. Could you please tell Dr. Jones on my behalf? I will have my pager on" I quickly explained, wanting to get home as soon as possible.

"Oh no, is everything alright doctor?" one of the other nurses, whose name I did not know, asked seductively.

"Its proberly just an over reaction. My wife is worried about our son, he has been somewhat depressed since we made the move and he had to break up with his girlfriend" I explained quickly, adding emphasis to the words 'wife' and 'son'. All three nurses frowned, their eyes zeroing in on the gold band on my left ring finger.

"Son? That's old enough for a girl friend?" one nurse asked, trying to do the math in her head. I sighed. I didn't have the time nor patients to deal with this right now.

"He is adopted. As are my other children. Excuse me, if you would please pass on the message" I said, dismissing myself. I turned quickly and headed for the parking lot, wishing I didn't have to keep up the human act.

* * *

It took me nearly an hour to get home. That was one of the problems to living in a city; you can never truly put your foot down. There are too many police officers and speed cameras around. It draws too much attention to us. And today, the drive had never seemed longer to me. Esmé had not told me much over the phone for fear of how Edward would react to us talking about him. I hadn't honestly thought he could get any worse, and that's what had me so worried. I had to concentrate very hard on the strength of which I was gripping the steering wheel.

At long last I pulled into our long driveway. As the little cottage came into sight my attention was instantly caught by my wife. Esmé stood in the doorway looking both worried and anxious. I parked my new Mercedes out the front of the house and walked to her side, taking her hand and pulling her into my arms.

"Im sorry, Carlisle, I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so useless, not knowing how to help him" she mumbled against my chest. I sushed her, kissing the top of her head.

"Where is he?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"In his room" Esmé confirmed pulling away from me. I nodded and squeezed her hand before turning and heading up the stairs at human pace.

When I reached the third floor I paused for half a second before opening Edwards's door. I understood at once what Esmé had meant by 'worse'. He was currently curled up on the floor, in his corner. He was laying on his left side, in the fetal position. His arms wrapped around himself. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes unfocused, as if he was mile away.

"Edward, son?" I said quietly. He made no reaction to having heard me speak. He hadn't even registered my presence. I slowly walked towards him and still he didn't move. His body stayed motionless and his eyes unfocused. I slowly lowered myself to the ground, kneeling next to him, moving slower than human, as if not to startle him. I looked into his black eyes, trying to remember the last time that he had fed.

"Edward?" I repeated quietly. He still didn't register that I was there. I reached out slowly and touched his cheek, expecting him to flinch away from my hand, but he didn't. I had never been able to get away with much physical contact with any of my children, least of all Edward. Esmé always managed to get away with a lot more than myself. I gently tipped his head up so that he was looking at me. I suddenly became more anxious, something I thought impossible at that point, when his eyes remained unfocused. They stared unseeing at me.

Before I knew what I was doing I had wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into my arms. I slowly stood up, cradling him against me. I felt his body stiffen in shock. A strange sense of relief washed over me as he registered the world around him for the first time since I had step into his room. I walked over to his little leather sofa and sat down with him on my lap. I expected him to pull away from me but instead he shifted his position slightly so that his head was resting in my shoulder.

_I'm so very sorry that I cannot take away your pain, son. You do not deserve it _I thought towards him. He made no reaction to hearing my thought, although I knew that he had. I was so incredibly worried about him lately. Not only about his suffering but, rather ironically, his health. Of course in knew that he couldn't be ill but what if we weakened himself with this…self louthing. What if he could no longer hunt for himself? Would I need to feed him? Plus there was his mental health. I think at this point he has more than proved that vampires are capable of true depression, like humans, only stronger. Worse. I didn't know how to help him with it though. If there was a way to do it at all. Obviously he could not take antidepressants, maybe talking would help. To a shrink maybe, but then who would he be able to talk to that would not lock him up for insanity. I could think of but one thing that would help him. Bella. I remembered how happy they had been. All the times over the past summer when I would come home from work to find Edward and Bella laughing in his room at some bad joke I hadn't heard. I frowned imagining Bella deadly pale, blood-red eyes staring out from her pretty face, hand in hand with Edwards, Forever. I felt him stiffen in my arms, a furious growl rising in his chest. I quickly thought of her as she had always been. Warm. Chocolate eyes, brightening when she looked at Edward. A blush rising in her checks when ever Edward touched her.

_I'm sorry, son. I didn't mean to cause you more pain. I was just trying to think of some way to hep you_ I quickly thought to him. He didn't relax his position I sighed and pulled him tighter to me, generally rubbing his arm. We sat like that for a long time, his tense posture gradually relaxing. I thought of the first time I had truly thought of him as my son.

* * *

_It was in the lat spring of 1920. He still had his newborn strength and speed, although it was starting to fade. We had gone hunting. He ran bare foot across the forest, I knew if he caught the scent of a human now that he was to far ahead, and to fast for me to catch, but I didn't care. For the first time in over two hundred years I was truly completely happy, and I realised that was all because of Edward. He had ceased just being my friend, but had become my son. And I loved him. He came to a sudden stop in front of me, leaves spraying up around him in protest. He spun to face me, the moonlight making him look ghostly white._

_"Do you really think that?" he had asked me quietly, looking at the ground._

_"I do, son. That is what you are to me. I understand that you may not think of me as your father, but I do not mind. I love you." I explained to him. He continued to stare at the ground and suddenly understanding colored my thoughts. "Has no one ever told you that you are loved?" I asked quietly. He shrugged._

_"My mother told me when I was very little, but no one else. Not even my father" he said quietly, frowning._

_"Well he did. I know he did. No one could not, not love you." I said smiling. He looked up at me and suddenly grinned before spinning round and taking of into the forest again laughing_

_"Catch me if you can, dad!" he shouted over his shoulder. _

* * *

A few hours later Esme appeared silently at the door, looking wide-eyed at where I held Edward.

"Were okay" I mouthed to her. She nodded and headed back downstairs. I slowly stood up before carefully turning and laying Edward down on the sofa. I quickly slipped out of the room only to return a few seconds later with the think duvet from mine and Esme's room. I layed it over him, smiling at his surprised expression. I tucked it around him before kissing the top of his head.

"I will be back soon" I promised him quietly. _I love you, son. Don't forget that_.

* * *

I walked slowly down the stairs. Esme waiting for me in the living room. She looked up when she heard me and was across the room in a second. She wrapped her arms around me, leaning her head on the shoulder where just minuets before Edward's had been.

Being a father was possible the most rewarding but also the most stressful thing in this world. But at this moment it felt like it was the most unforgiving. To know that your son was suffering so much, but being completely unable to help him, well it was safe to say, I was beginning to understand my son's pain.


End file.
